We all know what infidelity is but only a few understand when to walk away after infidelity. It is not hard when you know what you have gotten yourself into, but reaching there is one hell of a ride.
If your partner has been cheating on you and telling you lies, it might be time to shut those doors and walk away. There are a few things that you need to consider if you have reached this point in your relationship.
In this article, we are going to discuss that, the anxiety you feel, about how you can take charge and leave for good.
A Bonus: Some interesting facts about infidelity have been mentioned just for you at the completion of this article, don’t forget to have a look at them as well.
Infidelity in a relationship
In technical terms, we understand that any unfaithfulness that one shows towards their partner is considered infidelity. When someone cheats with their spouse or significant other by having an affair outside of their relationship, it is termed as infidelity. One can either have a romantic or sexual relationship with one or multiple people outside their relationship, it would be considered as infidelity.
We all know it can be difficult after knowing that your partner has been cheating on you. You would want to scream, curse, or even throw things at them. After all, there is always bitterness after infidelity in every relationship. But that is not the solution. The best way to handle something like this is by considering the situation calmly and focusing on the big picture. Here are some tips that you can follow
- Start with identifying the problems you are having in the relationship. This step not only helps you find out where something went wrong but would also help in the healing process.
- Try to connect. Whether or not you want to continue the relationship, fixing things and bringing out the room for forgiveness is really important.
- For those who are not on the receiving side, but are the ones responsible – should learn to take responsibility. This is not the time to point out fingers because what’s done is done.
- Cut off any contact with the person the affair was with. Your partner is thinking about when to walk away after infidelity and you are still in contact with that person, it would just come back to sabotage your relationship even more. If you want to fix things, contact should be cut off.
- Go for couples’ therapy and counselling with your partner. If both partners are willing to accept help and want to make things better, they should opt for therapy. A proper healing session always does good.
That being said, surviving infidelity would be much easier if you understand the what’s and when’s of issues. Making rash decisions is never a good idea, and deciding for a long term is a no-go. You need to keep your mind clear and understand what is important.
Walking away from infidelity
Not everyone has guts to do so, but it is always better to walk away than being with a toxic person. If your significant other doesn’t respect your relationship enough to be loyal, then it is better to end it.
Whatever you do, you must do it to make yourself comfortable. After all, it is your life. You should always listen to your heart and do whatever makes you feel right. Don’t let anybody make the choice for you and make your decisions. If you are worried that your relationship can’t survive infidelity, then you need to take some drastic steps. If you are worried about whether you should stay or leave, then these red flags will definitely help you sort out your decision.
1) They are not accepting their mistakes at all.
This is not even a red flag. If they accept that they cheated on you but are not accepting that they did anything wrong, then you definitely should walk away. It is not the best decision to stay with someone who doesn’t even acknowledge their mistakes.
2) They did accept their mistake but not meaning the apology.
Everyone knows when someone is apologizing for real and when someone is being fake. If you understand that difference, then you will know if they actually feel guilty. If they don’t, I don’t think it is a good idea to stay with someone who doesn’t understand the depth of the situation.
3) If they accept their mistakes but are not ready to talk about it.
Every therapist or counsellor would say that communication is the key to a happy and fulfilling relationship, and it is true. If your partner doesn’t want to discuss what happened, then the chance is that some unspoken doubts will remain. And that might open wounds later in the future.
4)They are still in contact with the person they cheated with
Nothing says “red alert” then your partner still having contact with the person they cheat with. Now you can talk about that with them, how you don’t like them talking or meeting each other. If they still refuse, you know what they are calling for.
5)They argue and point fingers at you for their misdeeds.
Now, this is something that will tell you that you are not to engage with this person anymore. No relationship is so “boring” or “unsatisfying” that would lead someone to go and cheat. If they say that it is your fault that had to be with someone else, then you should relieve them from such a bad relationship.
6)You don’t want to put effort anymore.
In case you were trying to save the relationship by either taking therapy or ignoring the infidelity, there might be a chance that you just want to give up. You have had enough and don’t see your future in that relationship. You know the time has come to break the ties.
7)Your loved ones want to you walk away.
I know I said that you shouldn’t let others make your decisions, but when multiple people say the same thing about someone, they might be right. Try to think over the fact and face the truth.
8)You were never doing this for love in the first place.
If you doing the “saving the relationship” drama for anything other than love and your relationship, then you need to stop. No children, no families would want you to be in a toxic relationship. If someone is pressuring you, you need to talk to them and make them understand how this is affecting your personal life and tell them that is is the time to walk away from infidelity
Many do experience anxiety after infidelity and most don’t understand why. The reasons might include pressure from families, your mistrust, you looking for the future of your children, and many more. You need to stand up for yourself and make the right decision that will directly impact on your personal life.
Facts and Statistics About Infidelity
In most cases, the couple keeps the act of cheating discrete. Maybe due to society, families, or because they don’t want anyone to know. Due to that, the exact figures and facts about infidelity are hard to get.
- 30 to 60 per cent of marriages end up in one or both partners engaging in the act of infidelity. And after that, you can understand why divorce statistics after infidelity are actually high.
- This is most common in people below the age of 30, as it gives the benefit of the opportunity. But men in their later years tend to cheat if they are rich, again the benefit of the opportunity.
- About 4 to 5 per cent of offsprings are the result of infidelity, which in most cases is found out later with DNA tests.
- Fact – Men are more likely to cheat, but more independent women are found guilty.
- Some cases show that the offender has emotional feelings for the person they cheated with, which they never found with their significant other.
- Affairs often start without planning. In most cases, offenders realize their mistakes and are even surprised by their actions.
- For humans, long term monogamy is often hard to achieve. It is proven with biological evidence.
- Infidelity is most cases comes from the need for love and affection, which most couples lack due to spending less time together or not having an emotional attachment at all.
- About 60 per cent of men admit to having committed infidelity at some point in their lives. Not physical in most cases, around 55 per cent of women admitted the same.
- 22 per cent married men admit to having performed infidelity during their marriages, 14 per cent married women admitted the same.
Now, it is not about who cheats more or who never cheats. It is all about finding your inner strength to focus your mind and energy on the things that matter to you. You might want to walk away, or you might want to say – it is purely your call.
How to get over infidelity
It doesn’t matter who cheated, if both the partners want to be together there is always hope for the future. As long as both the parties are ready to make efforts with their truest of intentions, love, and happiness can be found in your relationship once again. Even if the couple doesn’t want to stay together, it is important to get over infidelity and move on. For that, there are certain steps that need to be taken.
First things first, here are some things that you must understand when you are in the healing process.
- Investigating your rights is necessary(if you are married), even if you don’t plan on living together anymore.
- You shouldn’t go out seeking for romance to get it “even”, it would only hurt you.
- Long term decisions are a no-go in the healing process.
- Asking others for help is never a bad idea, but remember to be true to yourself and do what makes you feel better.
- Understand your partner’s point of view too, but don’t go on blaming yourself for what they did.
- Stand on what you say or promise, if you say that you won’t tolerate their cheating – then don’t. Pack your bags and leave.
Healing begins at home. So, understand where you want to be.
Next step is to communicate and understand their perspective
Ask questions, a lot of them, but few at a time. Ask about all the why’s, what’s, when’s, and how’s. Instead of showing rage, try to be as calm as possible to ensure a healthy conversation. This would not only help you understand their side but will also help you overcome any fears or doubts you had in mind about yourself. Do not forgive and forget easily, take your time, work on yourself, and then decide on the future.
If you are planning on moving on with your life, just you, you need to make sure you take the next steps very carefully. You need to have a healthy future with mature decisions. For that, you need to have a healthy environment. Cut off from anyone who makes you feel down and blames you for what happened. Surround yourself with positivity. Join a group, workout, sign up for therapy. Help both your body and mind to rejuvenate and get out of the past.
Knowing when to walk away after infidelity
In the end, being true to yourself and doing what makes you feel better is what matters. If you do find your partner cheating, don’t show rage. Instead, try to talk to them. Be open to any criticism and reality checks.
Be sure that you try to understand their side too. Do not close the doors to opportunities and a better future, and never blame yourself. To be honest, finding oneself in such a situation is never easy.
And that is why never cut contacts with everyone and never isolate yourself. You need the support of understanding people as much as you need to forgive your partner and move on.
If you understand when to walk away from your cheating partner, you would know how to keep your future bright and healthy. Lastly, don’t do it for your kids or in-laws, do it for yourself. It is never a good decision to bear such a toxic environment just for the sake of others.