Signs that a marriage cannot be saved
Marriage is a decision that one should make with the intention of being with somebody forever because they vibe well together. If they have good compatibility, neither would want to leave the other, that is why this phrase “Till death does us apart”. But what if it is the other way around?
What if one or both stop loving each other’s company and feel they are totally incompatible from the beginning of their journey?
Two people who stay with each other get very used to each other and they begin to sense each other’s thought processes intuitively. This is the primary reason that, if unfortunately, the marriage is not going well, there are signs of an unhealthy relationship that are very evident, that the other one picks up unconsciously. The signs may be positive or negative about the outcome of such a relationship.
Research says that a stressful marriage has the same ill-consequences of smoking on health. Talking about stress, we cannot rule out the fact that if two people are dealing with a stressful situation at home, their mental health also gets disturbed. Stress releases a chemical called cortisol, and it has more than one reason to keep you worrying.
There have been multiple debates about whether one should try to mend a troubled marriage or not. Sometimes, the social upbringing, the geographies and the emotional conditions of the couple play a big role, on whether they are looking to mend the relationship or be bold enough to call it quits. It is seen that people from the east are more about staying in an unhealthy marriage for a very long time whereas the rate of divorce in the west is higher.
As per a 2018 statistics report, India has a divorce rate of 1% whereas the United States has a divorce rate of 46%. It is reported that comparatively more developed countries see a higher rate in divorce than the lesser developed ones.
But no matter what it is, the primary instinct of anybody who wants to enjoy conjugal bliss would be to save the marriage and not call it quits impatiently. The couple who try to save their marriage, try many methods or adopt many tips to give a fresh perspective or life to their journey together, but sometimes when it is not meant to be, it is not!!!!!
As scary as it may sound, please watch out for the below signs that say that unfortunately the marriage cannot be saved!!!!
Signs A Marriage Cannot Be saved
#AVOIDANCE BY THE SPOUSE TO DISCUSS RECONCILIATION
This is one of the most evident signs indicating that a marriage cannot be saved. After all the hustle, if one of the partners, wants to sit calmly and talk their heart out to brainstorm as to what went wrong, it means that a golden opportunity awaits them to start afresh.
If the other partner, is ready to let go of this opportunity, it means that the decision to split has been made in the mind.
Watch out for phrases like “not again !!”, “you know the outcome of such a discussion!”, “please leave me alone, as I have a lot of work to be completed”, and so on.
The fact that an opportunity to get back is being missed, shows how important or unimportant that opportunity is. If one places other priorities in lieu of such life-saving opportunities, then the priorities of both parties clash here.
It is not a task to gauge that such difference in priorities will result in depression and divorce eventually.
#AVOIDING EACH OTHER” S FAMILIES
When two people get married, as it is rightly said by somebody, it is the union of two families as well. Not all are comfortable discussing every loophole with their respective families.
However, logic says that the families that were instrumental in bringing both the partners into a conjugal existence will also help with troubled waters. It is a great thing to get another person’s perspective on a situation.
Many a time, our soul knows what is right or wrong, but it is just our mind that refuses to accept and act accordingly.
Now, if one or both the partners refuse to discuss their issues with their respective families, and starts avoiding their respective in-laws, there is a clear-cut message that slowly and steadily they are trying to severe their bonds with the associated people as well.
A partner who still is thinking about reconciliation would take steps to involve or get involved in conversations with their families.
#SPENDING LONG HOURS OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
Well, the third noticeable behaviour is spending long hours outside the house. If one or both the partners start avoiding the common space called “Home” and spending their time outside, it is because of the urge to avoid the other person’s presence.
Also Read: Signs She Cheated On you Last Night
Everybody needs to make peace with oneself and with the person, one is dealing with.
If there are no efforts to make peace, then they have derived a conclusion that staying in each other’s vicinity will only add to the peace lessness.
If situations are under one’s control, one makes an effort to make one’s presence to the other. Staying away merrily indicates that one enjoys activities outside the house than inside.
This is an indirect way of letting the other person know that their company is not enjoyable any more.
It could also mean that one or both has started enjoying some other activity like work, some other relationship outside, or some other friendship mitigating the need for each other’s company.
#MAKING SOCIAL PLANS SEPARATELY WITH FRIENDS
Man is a social animal. Even the most introvert person would love to celebrate during occasions like a birthday eve, a new year eve or a religious function.
When both partners are in good terms, they both plan occasions together, keeping each other’s opinions or preferences of celebration as their highest priority. For couples or partners, who are going through a slight rough patch in their marriages, these social events are lifesavers.
These social events play a big role in bringing back old memories of togetherness, and maybe that would help them in adding a spark to their relationship once again. But we can sense red signals if the slightest effort of planning a social event together is not seen.
It can be a case where one partner is trying to involve the other and the other shies away.
It can also be that both partners have been spotted making social plans with their respective circles that is mutually exclusive. The feeling of “I cannot live without you” has definitely evaporated into thin air in this case.
Also Read: Signs A Man Slept With Another Woman
#SPENDING MORE TIME ON SOCIAL MEDIA
As much as we would want to curse social media, we cannot just do without it!!
As per statistics, the average person spends 2.5 hours on social media daily. Now, it is really unfair to misjudge a person to be having an affair with somebody just by noticing the time he or she spends browsing their phone or messaging.
Nowadays, a lot of business is through mobile phones and social media. Important emails are accessible at the tip of your fingers, not even a click away. As long as the behaviour of a person remains the same as before the differences started, it is fine.
The reason to get worried by one of the partners should arise, if the other suddenly is seen, spending a reasonably greater amount of time on mobile suddenly.
Few traits include disconnecting a call incessantly, going to a secluded room or corner to take a call, messaging or happily waiting for messages, looking amused and carefree while chatting on the phone.
These might sound little illogical, but they are traits one cannot ignore.
#NOT LOOKING WORRIED ANYMORE LIKE BEFORE
At the beginning of any kind of misunderstanding between spouses, the resulting stress is visible on one’s face. The face is the index of the mind and a happy, sad or worrisome mind expresses itself through the face of the individual.
Sometimes, looks are deceptive, but if two people stay together as couples, it is not difficult to gauge these feelings of the other. A sudden shift in behaviour from being worried to be relieved, surely, means that either one has accepted that the marriage cannot be saved, or one has found the reason for joy outside the marriage. This applies to both the partners.
If the principle of “Life moves on” has kicked in, then there are reasons more than one to worry about.
#NOT HAVING SEXUAL INTIMACY AT ALL
This is perhaps the biggest signs that a marriage cannot be saved. We are not talking about a casual encounter here. We are talking about a conjugal union that partners share and it is surreal, to say the least when everything was hunky-dory.
Partners who see a lot of misunderstandings amongst each other, but still want to be together, would certainly feel the urge for sexual intimacy. It can pave a long way to hold the marriage.
It also indicates that both want to be intimate with each other and hence want to be with one another. If sex becomes non-existent amongst the two, it means that the need for intimacy is no longer there.
Well, it can also mean that the sexual needs are being fulfilled somewhere else, much beyond the boundaries of the marriage.
This further leads to a situation where two people live together, just for the sake of society, but they have found their reasons for peace, needs and enjoyment outside.
Also Read: How To Please A Woman
#SECRETLY SEPARATING FINANCES AND INFORMING LATER
It is not completely foreign for a married couple to have joint-accounts, common financial goals and liabilities. Usually, finance is discussed well amongst both the partners.
Two people, who want to spend their lives together surely feel the need to achieve a certain amount of financial security, and to do that, they have common financial planning.
If suddenly on one fine morning, one gets notification of the withdrawal of one’s name from a system of a joint account or a sudden change in the system of the mortgage payment all in a surprising way, then it is evident that it shows that their life paths are changing.
The reason for not informing maybe because one feels that discussing such a move beforehand may create an extra set of argument that is un-necessary and hence avoidable.
Taking such an action, of separating finances, also helps them in the future when both have separate lives to take care of, not to mention the boring task of sorting those later.
Final Words on Signs a marriage can not be saved
The mind of a person knows exactly what is happening, but sometimes the person needs to be reminded of certain pointers to ascertain those indications. The above points that we discussed, show clearly that one or both the partners involved in a once-upon-a-time conjugal bliss have made decisions to call it quits.
Sometimes, two people express themselves clearly in words, and at other times, they show it through their actions. Actions speak louder than words, and all of the above pointers are subtle actions that show signs that a marriage cannot be saved.
These subtle signs have to be picked up by either partner, by both of them or their families involved to avoid further misunderstandings and disagreements. While one never wants to face or experience the above-mentioned subtle signs, if one sees the above signs, it is best to discuss it with a counsellor, or a mutual friend to get a better perspective.
Sometimes the red flags are carefully ignored to live in an Alice-in-wonderland kind of a world, but it is better to pay heed to avoid further embarrassments or surprises in future. An alert mind is always more welcome than a broken heart that kept high hopes.
Something that cannot be saved will definitely show signs of why it cannot be saved. About time, one pays heed to the above signs that are subtle and decides the further course of action.